Living with lies


The boy who came back from heaven - Amazon UKAnother school holiday; another book to read. This time one that I would not normally pick up. The kind of book that does not usually attract me.  But at the moment, I’m fascinated by Heaven and that’s what this book is all about.  “The boy who came back from heaven” is the story of a young boy Alex Malarkey (I know, I couldn’t believe the name either) who is in a serious car crash with his father Kevin Malarkey. Together, they retell the events after the crash and the experiences from each of their perspectives. They tell of miraculous encounters and answers to prayer in a totally down to earth way. As if they are saying “This is what happened; you decide what you make of it.


I don’t really know what I do make of it, but I did appreciate the honesty surrounding the Dad’s personal doubts, the strain that his marriage was under and the apparent lack of complete physical healing for Alex.  I found Alex’s section on demons particularly fascinating. (p169-172) –

“I remember the devil telling me a lie in the car accident: “Your daddy is dead, and it’s your fault!” He is the father of lies and I am so glad I know now that he is a liar.”


Well, I can relate to that. I have spent my whole life living with lies. I just didn’t always see them for what they were. Looking back, I can see that I was brought up in what for me was a negative environment. Some would say realistic. For fear of succumbing to pride, we were encouraged to be down on ourselves. In a desire to keep our feet on the ground, we were constantly reminded of how unworthy we were. Positive thinking was positively frowned upon. Such an approach keeps you humble. It also keeps you defeated.


This is how Alex describes being around a demon –

“Well, it’s evil, scary, and ugly! They accuse me of things, bring me doubt, make me feel sad, and tell me that I will never be healed and that God won’t protect me.

I know these things sound bad, but I also know something much better: “The Spirit who lives in [us] is greater than the spirit who lives in the world” (1 John 4:4). My God is true and faithful and loving.  He’s perfect!”


I don’t know what to think about the personification of the devil and demons but I do know this.  Just the evening before, I had been laying face down on my bed. I never wanted to get up again. I could not face going downstairs. I was drowning in a sea of lies.

“I can’t cope any more. I am not up to this. I am getting it all wrong. I am a complete failure.  I am not cut out for this.”

I lay there listening to these words repeating on a loop in my head. I believed it all. I was completely defeated.  Lies were being whispered into my mind and taking a hold.


And when I read Alex’s words the next day, I knew he was right. My God is true and faithful and loving. My God is greater than the lies. Listening to lies leads to defeat. Concentrating on the truth will give me the strength to lift my head from the pillow and go downstairs.


It’s worth a read.


You can buy “The  boy who came back from heaven” from Amazon UK

Experimentation and evolution

EmergingChurch.intro book by Michael Moynagh

EmergingChurch.intro book by Michael Moynagh. Buy from Amazon Today

My family all laugh and warn each other to “Never say never” as far as I am concerned. Like this is a bad thing. OK, so I am constantly (in my husband’s opinion) moving furniture around and rearranging rooms. I am prepared to change my mind. I have grown to love football. I am adapting with age. I believe in better – the hope of improved relationships, improved behaviour in the home, improved positive effect on the world that I live in…. – and am looking for steps to take, changes to make, to bring about that evolution.

And evolution is good. Experimentation is good. According to Michael Moynagh in the book emergingchurch.intro that I have just read and enjoyed –

“For God has chosen experiments to propel creation. What is evolution if it is not a history of experimentation? One species flourishes, another doesn’t, a third mutates. It is as if each is asking “What will work in this context?” The natural world is a living laboratory, constantly learning.” (p40-41)


And the same is true of human history – the advances of civilisation, industrialisation, technology. Some things have worked. Some things have not. Some things have been pure genius. Some things have been plain ridiculous. Sometimes we have said “This used to work but it doesn’t any more. What will work better?


And so the same is true of church. In many cases, church is not working. Phrases like “We’ve always done it this way” “We don’t do things like that here.“ “That wouldn’t work here” are stifling the adventure that is the journey of faith of the Body of Christ. Is it time to embrace experimentation? (if this interests you, then that book is a good start).


And what about us as individuals?

In a recent interview I heard, Rob Bell was asked to comment on the fact that he had changed quite considerably in the last ten years. (the implication was that this was a bad thing). In true Rob Bell fashion, he turned it around “Have you changed in the last ten years? Haven’t we all changed in the last ten years?”  How sad would it be if we looked back and felt that we had not changed at all? If we had learnt nothing from all our experiences, our relationships, our study? If God had not  revealed more to us and we had not grown in Him? What a waste that would be. How futile those ten years would have been.


A friend of mine who had never opened a Bible two months ago and is experimenting with attending church posted this comment on Facebook yesterday –

“XX is working towards a pure heart J”

Isn’t that what sanctification is all about? In practice. On Facebook.


Change is so exciting. Experimentation is risky and scary, but can lead to great places. Evolution opens up a world of possibilities.

Never say never.


Why Fools4Christ is our manifesto for life


One of my earliest memories of my husband from when we were students is seeing him on the stage at Warwick University delivering an impassioned talk on the Upsidedown Kingdom. I was so proud, so inspired – and so unaware of where living with him in that “upside down” kingdom would take me!


We have lived as fools for Christ.


As a young couple with a new baby, we set up and ran a fair trade shop – in our spare time. My husband gave up a well paid job as a computer journalist in London to move to the North East to work for Traidcraft. I gave up work so we could foster – and then go on to adopt three extra children on top of the two birth children we already had. We moved from an up and coming area to be in the parish and community of the church we were attending. After leaving that church in painful circumstances, we returned to it three years ago to rebuild bridges and experience reconciliation. I have never returned to work outside the home to give me more time for my family, my friends and my writing.


We spend more on fair trade and organic products because we believe in ethical issues.

We fiddled on with recycling and composting long before it became trendy.

We take risks and get our fingers burnt.

We ask difficult questions of ourselves and others.

We are honest about our struggles and failures.

We value friendship over a perfect home.


Fools for Christ most of the time anyway, I hope. Sometimes maybe merely fools.


I use to think that getting older meant by default, getting wiser, but like so many others, the older I get, the more I realise how little I actually know. Maybe that’s what true wisdom is though – being realistic about what we do not know and seeking God’s wisdom instead.


“For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom” (1Corinthians 1:25) – which is a relief because to be honest, the wisdom of this world sucks and simply does not work


And a bit further on, Paul writes –

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

– which takes us full circle, all the way back to the upsidedown kingdom.


Hence fools4christ. Let us know about your “foolishness” for God too.

Making the Trinity make sense


I have always struggled to make sense of the Trinity. Even more so when I have tried to explain it to my kids. I came across this that helped me and my kids:


Athanasius compared the Trinity to a lighted candle: the lighted candle is a flame; the flame is light and the flame is heat, but it is all one flame. The One God is the creator of all, the one God is the incarnated light of Jesus, and the one God is the warming presence of the Holy Spirit. All of these manifestations are at the same time the flame of the lighted candle. This remains the best analogy I have found to describe the Trinity.

Rufus H. Stark II, retired Methodist minister, writing to The Christian Century.

Nothing New Under the Sun


How easy it is to find ourselves living in a world like this. Where there is nothing new under the sun. Where everyday life becomes a monotony. Where the washing basket is always full and the dishwasher always needs emptying. We travel to the same places day after day; we follow the same old routines; we meet the same people. Life is predictable, mundane – and boring.


And in our relationships, we play out the scenes from tales as old as time. The age old themes resurface again and again and again. It’s all been said before, felt before, done before.


Yet within our familiar surroundings, God is waiting to surprise us.


A daffodil can lift our spirits.

A stretching cat can bring a smile to our face.

The intricate detail of a butterfly’s wings can fill us with wonder.


Our children never cease to amaze us.

Our friends have the capacity to surprise us, when we least expect it.

And how little we actually we know ourselves!

Let’s marvel as we travel deeper into the adventure that is self awareness.


A flash of insight can bring a different perspective.

An exciting revelation can invigorate the most monotonous of tasks.

An unexpected discovery can feel like a glimpse of eternity.

Right here. Right now.


I’ve come to the conclusion that boredom is a state of mind.

An adult state of mind.

Blue Bells in Long Acre woods

We took our children for a walk in a nearby wood the other evening. They were dragging their feet, grumbling that they would rather be at home in front of the television. Until we turned a corner and there was the most amazing sight. A carpet of bluebells amongst the trees. Suddenly all the moaning and cares were forgotten. The children were scampering around excitedly like little puppies. This vibrant scene bursting with life had filled them to overflowing with joy.


I want to recapture that sense of abandonment. I want to be lost in wonder, awe and praise. I want to be like a child, walking around with my eyes wide open, waiting to be surprised. I want to see with the eyes of a toddler, stopping at every interesting leaf along the path. I want to look for God and find Him in the most unexpected of places.


I want to live life in colour, not in black and white.


New Secondary School Assembly: JUST DO IT


Just Do it is a secondary school assembly suitable for the whole school (ages 11 to 18).

The aim is to challenge students about their response to need when it is presented to them, using a well-known event from the life of Jesus and Bob Geldof’s experience with Live Aid.

The assembly is based around the bible passage Matthew 14.13–21.

View JUST DO IT on the Assemblies website »

View all assemblies »

New school assembly on SEAL Theme 5: Good to be me


Unique You is a school assembly suitable for Key Stage 1 children. The assembly aims to remind the children of how special they are because they are unique and to challenge them to make someone else feel special today (SEAL theme 5: Good to be me).

View UNIQUE YOU on the Assemblies website »

View all assemblies »

Rest is a state of mind – Part 3


“I really love the name of your boat,” he was sayingQuerencia, right?”

“Yes,” she said. “You speak Spanish?”

“No, but I read a book about bullfighting once. Isn’t that the spot in the ring when the bull feels protected and secure?”

“Exactly,” she said. “Sometimes it’s a place in the sun. Other times it’s in the shade. It’s where the bull goes between charges. It’s like an invisible fortress, the only safe place.”

“Just like your boat.”

The Death and Life of Charlie St Cloud


And that’s another thing I turn to in the school holidays – losing myself in absorbing “light” fiction. Then sometimes I find a truth right there in the escapism. True rest is there to be found in the wildest storm, when attacks are coming from all sides. True rest requires protection and security, strength and safety. It’s where I need to go between battles.


My thirteen year old adopted daughter can whip up a storm in seconds. The anger is raging, the hurtful words are hitting the target over and over again. Feelings of helplessness, hurt and failure threaten to overwhelm me. Even when she has long forgotten what she was angry about and has fallen asleep, I lie awake into the night, trying to find some peace, some rest, some restoration.


Where is my Querencia?


“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”

Psalm 46:1-3


God is my Querencia.


God is my invisible fortress.

In him, I can feel protected and secure.

God is my only safe place.

In him, I can find the rest to let love win again.


There was no grave…


A performance poem for Easter Day by Stewart Henderson.

There was no grave grave enough
to ground me
to mound me
I broke the balm then slit the shroud
wound round me
that bound me.
There was no death dead enough
to dull me
to cull me
I snapped the snake and waned the
to lull me
to null me.
There was no cross cross enough
to nil me
to still me
I hung as gold that bled, and bloomed
a rose that rose and prised the tomb
away from Satan’s wilful doom
There was no cross, death, grave
or room
to hold me.

(c) Stewart Henderson – All rights reserved.

Find more Stewart Henderson poems at Eden Books

Rest is a state of mind Part 2


So the school holidays are a notoriously difficult time to experience rest. The waters are not so quiet when filled with the shrieks of children splashing in the freezing cold stream. The pastures are not so restful with games of football and Frisbee going on all around. If God is only there in the quiet times, then I‘ve had it.

I therefore turn my thoughts to mindfulness – practising the presence of God in everyday life. Maybe hope is to be found here.

My friend has determined to practise mindfulness on her daily morning walk with the dog. Rather than obsessing about all that she has to do that day, she concentrates on her surroundings, tries to feel positive about being out in the fresh air rather than in bed and notices something new every day.

“I never realised nature was so noisy,” is her conclusion. “The running water, the birds in the trees, the breeze in the leaves – when you listen, it’s all there.

Creation crying out in praise to the Creator. Cool.

So when I am out with the kids, I try to be really out with the kids (rather than at home in my head, composing lists and worrying about unfinished tasks.) I enjoy the sunshine and the blossom. I concentrate on what the children are wanting to tell me. I draw their attention to the wonderful world that we live in. I celebrate the moments of laughter and love. I draw on my reserves of patience and love when things start going pear-shaped. (most – some – of the time).

And I wouldn’t say I feel rested, but I am getting through this Easter break so far without resorting to mindless colouring in (not with the kids, but in the evening when the kids have gone to bed!), a sure indicator in my experience of a fried brain. I don’t feel like packing my bag and running away. God is there in the midst of it all, waiting to be noticed, wanting to be found. The housework can wait.


PS: I’m obviously not doing as well at the whole holidays experience as I thought I was. When one of my husband’s colleagues asked him how I was, he replied “she’s wearing that slightly haunted look she always has in the school holidays.”


Some way to go yet then.


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